VCs — don’t compare me to your wife. Just don’t.

Investors, you should know that the only thing that I have in common with your wife is a vagina. You need to know that because the women who are sitting in front of you to pitch are entrepreneurs — and we are a totally different breed of human being than just about anyone else.

Your wife may or may not be an entrepreneur. But the extent to which she is founding a company is the extent to which I have something in common with her.

When you ask me about having it all, or how am I going to manage my kids, I seriously think that you are insane. Because in my head, I can’t imagine a scenario where you trust someone with millions of dollars to run a business but think that they don’t know how to deal with childcare.

Photo credit: Early Mama

Sarah Lacy recently wrote a brilliant article entitled “Does a VC’s unconscious hesitation to fund women start at home?” You should read it because she speaks so.much.truth.

You might not realize it, but you compare us to your wives out loud all the time. And we cringe while you do it, and we talk about it with each other, and would like to tell you to STFU every single time but we can’t, because we want to get funded, so we are nice to you.

For the record, I have never actually received investment from an investor that spoke to me like this, so I don’t give a fuck anymore. I don’t pitch to these investors and I don’t even talk to them. I just pack up my shit, leave the room and tell them politely that I don’t think that their investment “will be a good fit.”

If you are wondering why you aren’t getting pitched by female founders — know this and let it soak in — we talk to each other. We warn each other. If there aren’t any women pitching you, it’s not a pipeline problem. The problem is literally you.

For your benefit, I am including a very cringeworthy conversation that I had with a Dealflow Manager for a major VC. I have cut out his name and blocked his picture because my point isn’t to name and shame – it is to show how obvious, blatant and stupid these conversations look when they are given the light of day.

For some context, we were discussing why the fund he works for had yet to fund a single woman CEO.