If your product sucks, then quit fu&*ing hustling

Most people in Asia’s startup circles have the common perception that investors have it “made in the shade,” so to speak. But truth be told, I don’t always envy them. Every day, VCs are forced to deal with an influx of bullshit from clueless founders and aspiring founders seeking funding. Frankly speaking, there are a lot, and I do mean A LOT of really bad startups floating around. VCs may often think to themselves:

Oops, I just wasted 2 hours of my life having coffee with a guy who invented a supposedly smart jump rope that solves absolutely nothing.

Or perhaps:

Does this guy honestly believe that he can reverse cancer with almond milk? Where’s the technology in this idea. Eh screw it, I’m gonna grab a beer. Oh shit, is he following me now?

These are people so in love with their product or concept – so close to it – that they’ve lost all objectivity, and can no longer tell whether or not their idea is shitty. Having a shitty or half-baked product is one thing, but a relentless hustle to said idea or product is another entirely. Here are some things I’d like all the rubbish hustlers to consider.

1. Is this investor right for me? Does he/she understand the space I’m in?

If the answer is not “Yes, definitely” then spare yourself the time and embarrassment. They won’t invest.

2. Can I describe my product or service in less than 2 sentences and 15 seconds?

If the answer is no, then sit down, shut the hell up and come back when you can condense it.

Some people are sure to argue with me by saying that founders need to practice these things. I would agree, but for the love of Unpopular Puffin, practice it on other people first – strangers perhaps. When you’re good and ready, and have watched countless YouTube videos of successful pitches, then you can approach investors like you’re storming the beaches of Normandy on D-Day.

Remember though, these are people who are highly skeptical and will remember you if you give them a limp handshake and a real stinker of an elevator pitch. When you’re done, ask the VC or investor to shoot you straight with an answer about why your product is good or bad.

Don’t let them escape without hearing this bit. If they tell you you’re idea sucks, then quit fu&*ing hustling fast and go back to the drawing board.