What is Nintendo’s non-wearable health improving, company saving product?

There’s something mysterious afoot, I can smell it the air and my Sherlock Holmes bone is twitching (Americans may have their Spider-sense but us Brits stick with the classic). Last week Nintendo had a conference that was going to lay out a new direction for the company, after years of mismanagement and loss, and that new direction is health through non-wearable devices.

What is a non-wearable device?

Now that my friends, is the mystery! You see, all we have to go on is this chart:

Very informative

When pressed for further information about “non-wearable” devices Iwata-san stated simply that they are, “‘not necessarily something you will use in the living room.” You mean like every other device on that chart? In fact, everything except the Wii U is specifically designed so that it can be used outside of the living room!

Even the Wall Street Journal’s on-site reporter only had this to say:

For those of you wondering what non-wearables are, Nintendo will unveil the details of its new business during 2014 and launch it for the fiscal year through March 2016

So what is it? What is this mysterious thing that is not a mobile phone, a console or a wearable device? I’m opening this up to the floor, please friends help me, what is Nintendo’s mystery and how will it make me healthy? I have three theories: Nintendo brand jump-ropes, mind control chips which make us all run and jump like Mario for 2 hours every day, or robot Iwata-san personal trainers.