Soulcalibur: Unbreakable Soul review: kill it, kill it with fire

Unlike its brethren in the Soulcalibur series Soulcalibur: Unbreakable Soul (SUS) is not a fighting game. Well, at least not in the traditional sense. SUS is another card collection game, but instead of collecting characters or creatures, you collect fighting moves. You can then use these cards in battles against classic Soulcalibur characters. Sounds good?

If it does, you need help.

When I have nothing good to say about a game, I usually try to say nothing at all. After all there are so many good games out there, it’s a waste of my time to write up those undeserving of attention. Even in bad games, I look for something good, but alas, there is nothing good to find in this steaming pile of cash-in crap.

These graphics are Playstation 1 quality.

Everything about SUS is phoned in. The character options are brooding man, not-brooding man, and cute girl, so don’t be expecting to have any real connection to these uninspiring characters. But what’s worse is the constant loading time as the game struggles to maintain a connection to Bandai Namco’s servers.

Every screen change requires loading of at least a few seconds, and if you want to start the game from scratch, then you might as well go and have a cup of tea while the thing boots up. I have a theory that this game’s server is located in the depths of Bandai Namco’s basement, and is made from cannibalized Pacman machines.

(See: Tekken Arena: well-packaged garbage)

To make it worse, crashes are insanely frequent and after an hour of play, I was kicked back to my home screen several times. I uninstalled and re-installed just to be sure it wasn’t an issue with that download. And it wasn’t, the game just sucks.