How do you survive the horror of Alien Isolation? With alcohol of course!

Last week I was lucky enough to play the Alien Isolation alpha at Nerd HQ, a fringe event of last-week’s San Diego Comic Con open to all. It was awesome. Unfortunately the demo was too short to give an in-depth preview, so I did what any committed games journalist would do; I created a drinking game!

Do note that this drinking game game has been designed for the alpha, and that doing this when the game is released will probably kill you. This is because it was designed to get any alpha tester drunk during the 20-minute demo. Sega, please add this to your events!

Take a drink every time you scream, yelp, or squeak. Take two drinks if you’re scared by the scenery or a noise unrelated to the alien.

You’re going to have to watch yourself unless you want to be wasted before the alien even shows up. One thing that developer Creative Assembly has mastered is making innocuous shadows morph into the xenomorph of your nightmares. At one point, I scared the girl next to me by freaking out when office supplies fell out of a desk. You have been warned. Oh, and space stations make creepy noises all the time.

Take a drink every time you hide in or under furniture. Take another drink for every minute you stay there.

It might not sound very exciting, but you are going to spend a large amount of time hiding under desks and in lockers. I’m not entirely sure why one of the universe’s greatest hunters can’t see beneath a desk, but thank god it can’t!

(See: Sega announces new survival horror game Alien: Isolation)

If my playthrough is anything to go by, you are going to be spending a significant amount of time hiding in and around space-age furniture–so you might as well be drinking.

Take a drink whenever something goes wrong

Let me tell you this: Amanda Ripley is having the worst day. During my brief playthrough she dealt with problems like power-outages and locked doors, all while being hunted by a beast made from pure nightmare. If that wasn’t enough, her portion of the space station was falling off and hurtling through space! Oh, and let’s not forget pressing the wrong button and being ejected into the cold vacuum of space. There’s only one way to truly empathise with such awful events—take a drink.

Take a drink whenever you see the alien and escape