Don’t give more – give more wisely

This year’s International Women’s Day theme is “Give to gain,” and it’s meant to encourage a mindset of generosity and collaboration. That’s a nice sentiment, but it also carries an implication that I’m not comfortable with.

I usually try to write something personal on the IWD theme. This year, however, I simply can’t do that in good conscience.

All I can say is, women, please do not feel compelled or obligated to give more than you already do.

The data is clear: We bear a disproportionate share of the load, both at home and at work. Let’s not guilt ourselves into doing even more.

Building, leading, networking, mentoring, and more – women do so much / Photo credit: Tech in Asia

On average, women around the world spend 3.2x more time on unpaid care and domestic work than men, according to a 2019 report from the International Labour Organization. This means women devote approximately 4 hours and 32 minutes to this kind of work each day, compared to just 1 hour and 24 minutes for men.

At the same time, women leaders are significantly more likely to provide emotional support to their teams than men. A 2025 report from McKinsey & Company and nonprofit organization LeanIn.org reveals that 61% of women leaders regularly check in on employees’ well-being, compared to 54% of men. Despite this reality, only 25% of companies formally recognize this intensive care work in performance reviews.

With that context in mind, I’d like to gently but firmly encourage the women in our community, especially women leaders: Reconsider how you direct your energy.

As the eldest daughter of an immigrant family, I deeply understand the instinct to always step up, always stabilize, and always hold things together. I’ve played very much the same role in all the organizations I have been part of since I started working. But I’ve also recently learned the hard way that giving without boundaries doesn’t serve you – or the people around you – as well as you might hope.

But if you really can’t help but give, please do it more intentionally.

Give more wisely

Apart from having the propensity to give more, women also tend to be more collaborative. We just have that empathy, that ability to read the room, and that urge to keep things moving – things that make us effective leaders.

The goal, therefore, isn’t to give less – it’s to give more wisely. Here are three ways to do that:

1. Give to yourself. You are the single most important person in your life. If you aren’t happy, it will be a lot harder for you to give joy to those around you. So, take care of yourself – allow yourself to make decisions that will make you happy, not only what’s best for the team or what could deliver the best outcome. Advocate for yourself, too. Make a fuss; be a squeaky wheel.
2. Give authentically. Bring your whole self to work. The more you sequester aspects of yourself, the more you accede to society’s expectations that you fit yourself into their mold. In other words, allow yourself to show everyone the full spectrum of what a woman is and can be. Be as loud, quiet, shy, introverted, quirky, or aggressive as you want to be.
3. Give to the good ones. Be careful of who you give your energy to. The good ones will understand, reciprocate, and come through for you in times of need. There are others, however, who will take you for every inch of your competence and brilliance, only to turn their backs on you the moment you dare to step out of line.

I know this note may feel more pointed than previous IWD messages – and it is. I refuse to guilt any woman into giving more than she already does.