The 7 kinds of noobs you will encounter in Dota 2

It doesn’t matter how good you are at Dota 2 now. At some point you were a noob. We’ve all been there. Some get out quicker, others stay longer, and some others are still there. At some point, you’ll encounter them as opponents or as teammates. However, not all noobs are new to the game. Some just play like they are. Check out the different kinds of noobs you’ll encounter in Dota 2.

1. The know-it-all noob

He’s new to the game, but for some reason, he acts and talks like he knows everything, though he has nothing to show for it. Sometimes, he’s the most learned guy in his circle of noob friends and has brought this attitude over when interacting with you. Other times, he’s just trying to bluff to look like he’s less of a noob. If you’re this guy, stop bluffing. We know you know nothing. That Desolator sitting beside the Helm of the Dominator on your Drow Ranger says it all.

Signature quote: I know!!

2. The veteran noob

He’s been playing this game for so long, you’re not sure how he doesn’t know the basics yet. On a scale of one to ten, his level of map awareness is blind and his ability to read a game is abysmal. He’ll pick a Nightstalker that farms the jungle during night time because he’s “faster”. After a hundred games with Sven, he still forgets to activate Warcry. He will attempt to force team fights when the rest of you are trying to push or will decide to push a lane when a team fight is about to break.

(See: 8 things that piss off carry players in Dota 2)

What makes this worse is if he’s the talkative type. He makes weird calls based on “experience”, which often don’t make sense. And he also has an excuse for every single mistake he makes: “The monitor is too bright, my eyesight is affected.”, “This isn’t the monitor resolution I’m used to.”, “The airconditioning is too cold, my fingers are getting numb.”, “I had no mana (when he did).”, “It was on cooldown (when it wasn’t).”

Signature quote: I was able to do it last time. When I wasn’t with you.

3. The exotic noob

Of course, trying out different things is okay and can actually help you discover new things. The exotic noob, however, tries to be “different” way before he tries what is considered normal. If the norm is to farm a Battlefury on Anti-Mage, he’s going to build something else. Like Force Staff! So he can chase faster with twice the distance. They’re never going to expect that! The main goal here is to “be different”. Making sense comes second. Or third.

Signature quote: I have my reasons. You’ll see.