For our loved ones who are never mentioned in our pitch decks

Building a startup is not just hard; it’s probably going to be the hardest thing you’ll ever do in your life.

An early startup mentor of mine once taught me that startups are fueled by fear. I did not heed his words until we were mired in the thick of things, fighting for survival and growth every single day.

Photo credit: Stephen Hochhaus

To help startup founders, I wanted to write an article on how to prepare yourself financially, physically, and most importantly, emotionally. This is deeply personal for me: I’ve seen too much heartache and burnout over the years as an investor, so I think it’s important to address these issues.

What really kept my team and I going during the harsh times of building a startup was the support of our loved ones, so I’d like to discuss this first.

The invisible people

I cherish memories of when my parents – and those of my co-founders – would patiently support us all or how our CEO Royston’s girlfriend (now wife), Yingzhi, pitched in for design work when we had no money to hire one. It was really their love that kept all of us going.

These are the invisible people we never mention when startups exit or get their next round of funding. They almost never appear on our press releases: The people we should be cherishing as they support us from the sidelines, cheering us on as we strive against near impossible odds. They’re the first people who believed in us.

People like Mackenzie Scott, the ex-wife of tech mogul Jeff Bezos, have been unfairly treated in the media. She received a quarter of his Amazon stock from their divorce settlement, but it was she who supported him as he built Amazon from the ground up. She bore him four children and kept their family in order so he could build the biggest ecommerce company in the world. Her share (if not more) was rightly deserved.

Start that conversation

For those who are thinking of embarking on their startup journey, I strongly suggest that you have that conversation with your loved ones and significant others to prepare them for what lies ahead. Make sure your co-founders do the same.

Startup success often exacts a terrible cost on us all. I try to dissuade people from chasing it by telling them the unvarnished truth: No amount of riches is worth risking a family breaking apart.

However, if seizing that opportunity is what every fiber of your body is telling you to do, then preparation is key.

Building a startup is especially difficult for those you care about, as it would inevitably rob them of your time from their lives, and they need to be mentally prepared for that.

Do not sugarcoat the future for them. While we live in our own little bubbles, the sad and harsh reality is that the vast majority of startups do not exit. If you want a number for Southeast Asia, 98.09% of startups go without exiting. That number increases if you are not based in Singapore or Jakarta.

Your loved ones need to understand the odds that you are up against and be at peace with that. It helps to discuss a suitable timeline with milestones on what success looks like (e.g., raising your series B or getting the first few acquisition offers).

The hard part

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