Castlevania: Lords of Shadow II review: Dracula ripped out my heart

I love vampires.

As a teenager I mooned over Anne Rice books, devoured vampire movies, grew my hair and dyed it black. I even wore makeup. Though I now find Anne Rice tawdry, regret the hair color and really regret the makeup, I have never been able to shake my fascination with vampires.

So you can imagine my glee when I realised that Castlevania: Lords of Shadow II (Lords of Shadow II) let me play not just any bloodsucking fiend, but the bloodsucking fiend: Dracula himself. I couldn’t wait to feel the power of the vampire, to drink the blood of my foes and become one with the night. Unfortunately after playing Lords of Shadow II, I’m still waiting.

Dracula is cool. Dracula is always cool.

Konami’s Castlevania series is usually a 2D action adventure game set in a maze-like giant castle. Power-ups open new doors which allow travel to new areas, or allow connections to old ones. The games have a heavy focus on exploration and usually end with Dracula’s death.

Lords of Shadow II changes this up. Instead of fighting against Dracula, you are Dracula. What’s more, a significant chunk of the game takes place in a modern city built above the ruins of Dracula’s castle. It’s an interesting change for a series whose comfort zone has always been medieval.

Awesome, blood-thirsty plot

Lords of Shadow II has the best vampire plot I have seen in years. Dracula is a big. brooding presence at the heart of the game and his struggles with immortality and sin will pique any vampire lover’s interest. I like the fact that the plot is basically about a suicide attempt; Dracula doesn’t want to live anymore and his nemesis will kill him if he saves the world first. It’s not a plot that fits easily into a game, in which Dracula is killable, but I chose not to think about that too much.

The story introduces a lot of interesting creatures such as three sisters who move in the creepy, jerky fashion made popular by The Ring and a ridiculously cute little monster who offers his services to Dracula’s cause. Seriously, how cute is this guy:

Awwww. I know he’s an evil merchant but…awwww.

But all that pales in comparison to its voice acting. Lords of Shadows II is carried by lead voice actors Robert Carlyle (Dracula) and Patrick Stewart (Zobek). Their commitment to their roles makes every cutscene a delight, which is all the more impressive when some of the lines are cheesy enough to be cringeworthy. It’s impossible to cringe at Patrick Stewart. Fact.

Oh, Patrick…..